I originally wrote this piece on October 11, 2015 for my friend Cristina. She updates her blog daily and asked me to help celebrate National Coming Out Day since I have a little more experience in the *~gay~* department than she does.
Reliving my past to publish a SparkNotes version of my experiences wasn’t easy. But no matter your orientation, I believe it’s important to understand others’ stories. This is how acceptance will become a global practice.
Read on for what I shared with Cristina, and hope to share with the world.
Like Sam Smith, Andy Cohen and other celebrities, I believe today is worth celebrating. Not because it’s 20ºC in mid-October. Not because it’s Thanksgiving (though I am still full from feasting over 24 hours ago). Not because I voted in Canada’s federal election today and feel ~empowered~.
I am celebrating because today is National Coming Out Day, and around five years ago, I came out as gay. Rhyming aside, that’s when the real fun began.
https://instagram.com/p/8tA6t8x2dE/
I grew up as a pianist-turned-competitive-dancer. Summers between every school year involved acting, singing and dancing in Broadway shows at Burlington Student Theatre (I was five years old my first year there and turned 17 during my last). Rewind a little further and you’ll see just-older-than-toddler-me putting on my mom’s jewelry, showing it off while strutting down the stairs. None of these instances meant I was gay per se, but I was. I just didn’t know it yet.
So when did I know? High school. And it’s not because I went to a public high school after being in the Catholic education system for 10 years.
I knew because my closest friends were girls. I felt close to them, and they to me. I dated a few, but it never felt right. I think I asked Google why this was. In grade 11, I began looking elsewhere. I watched MTV’s One Girl Five Gays and wondered if I could share my story like the guys on the show.
I admired Kurt’s bravery on Glee and turned red any time his plot thickened. His and Blaine’s duets made me excited and hopeful, but no one knew it. Maybe this is why I’m so obsessed with pop culture; it curated my emotions during a time of deep intellectual and sexual turmoil, answered my questions and instilled enough confidence in me to come out. Now, about that…
Coming out is not over in an instant. It’s a process, and can be lengthy as hell. It might never really end. You may come out to friends first, like I did in my senior year of high school. Then, you may come out to family. Then, your favourite manager at that store you work at. Five years later, you find yourself still coming out to new people in your life. You’re exhausted. You want to just be.
But to be who you are, you have to say it out loud. Like a broken record, turning peoples’ fluid assumptions into concrete facts. Having a national day to celebrate the pride behind our identities is beautiful. But when you’re questioning your sexuality or contemplating life, death, or coming out, one day isn’t enough to fit even a glimpse of your story.
I’m lucky. My parents were and are supportive of me in all aspects of my life. Most of my extended family are cool with it, too. Some high school friends made comments now and then. I ditched them. Since finishing my undergraduate degree, I’ve noticed my friends are almost as queer as I am. I mean, they’re as confident in what makes them unique as I am in myself.
Some are actually gay, too. They’re important because they understand how I felt “then” and even how I sometimes feel now. All my friends surpass tolerance and practice acceptance, and I love them for this. I came out because I knew people and places existed with whom and where I could be myself. I was right; these people and places exist, and I am eager to be that person and support those places for others.
Here are my five closing comments/rules to live by, whether you’re LGBTQQIP2SAA, or hella straight and unobtainable like most of my Hollywood crushes:
- Cliché as it is, love is love. Believe in and spread this message.
- Respect and love yourself for who you are; respect and love others for who they are.
- If you’re questioning anything, don’t rest until you find answers.
- Listen to music and watch queer TV and movies, especially if you don’t feel like voicing your ~feelings~ just yet.
- Be the protagonist in your story and in someone else’s story. Be positive. This is how it gets better.
// BJW //
The Brian J Wilson 